I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
