she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
