the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
