Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
