Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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