To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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