No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
