I'm really into asian looking animals
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
