I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
