can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
