could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My vagina is officially offended.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
