Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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