Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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