is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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