One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
