I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
