I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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