So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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