Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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