Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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