Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
