Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
