I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
