i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
