so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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