i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
