White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
