Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
