I'm going to jail i love you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
