You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
