I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
