In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
