I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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