He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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