At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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