the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
