My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
