You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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