I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
