I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
