I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
