guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
