Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
