i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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