i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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