her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
