My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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