I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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