I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
