things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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