non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
