I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize