hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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