i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
