I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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