if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
