someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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