i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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