We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
