8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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