She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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