just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
