Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
