It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
