i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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