we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
