Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
