I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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