You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
