You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
